The 2012 Olympics have been plagued by athletes getting kicked off their own teams. There was the Greek racist, the Kung Fu Pothead, and the Belarusian hammer bummer. The latest dismissal may be the most egregious yet.
Russian men’s gold winning diver Ilya Zakharov was kicked off his Olympic team after for smiling during the event.
Zakharov was unavailable for comment as he was gagged, bound, and blindfolded on a train to Siberia. The diver was holding up the gold medal he had won when he happened to convey a glimmer of joy.
“Smiling, showing the joy, is for weak girl boys,” said the legendary Russian diving coach, Ivan Ivanovanovich. “Russian people are not weak, we are crazy psychopath strong people you should fear, like Fifty Cent in America.”
When asked what the future holds for the disgraced diver, the coach replied, “He will spend rest of life in government camp getting nipples twisted. Then he will spend a weekend with Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin wrestling naked to prove his manhood. Only rolling around with Putin and comparing shirts off will begin the divers transgression.”
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