Stewart admitted she had an affair and is no longer a virgin.
“There are only two things in this world I consider unforgivable,” Pattinson said in a statement today. “One is mating with werewolves. The other is acting classes.”
When told that Stewart had confirmed the affair, and that she was no longer a virgin, a devestated Pattinson reportedly attempted suicide by running into broad daylight.
His handlers were forced to explain to the confused actor that the sun would not actually be fatal to him.
Also present at the time was Pattinson’s Breaking Dawn directorBill Condon, who stated, “I knew that little f**ker had more than one emotion.”
Stewart and Pattinson’s Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner was also affected by the news, expressing his grief by taking his shirt off and howling.
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