The nation is in grief in the aftermath of the tragic shooting at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last night in Aurora, Colorado. Citizens across the country mourning the victims and their families can’t help but wish for a world where superheroes are real.
Many have turned to prayer to deal with the anguish following the devastating incident, which left 12 dead and 59 injured.
“But no matter what your creed,” says Pastor Ryan Downer, 1st Methodist Church, Colorado Springs, “it’s hard not to imagine the salvation superheroes would provide, be it Batman,Wonder Woman or any of the X-Men.”
Police are currently undergoing a thorough investigation, but regrets not having been there to save the victims. “My men do a damn fine job,” said police chief Blair Madow. “But we’re not omnipresent. Of course we would be with Spidey around.”
After being woken and told of the tragedy this morning at 5:45am, President Obama asked where Superman was when it happened.
“He seemed to have been coming out of a dream,” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “Don’t we all dream?” At that point Gibbs looked hopefully up at a bird flying by overhead…or was it a plane?
Editor’s Note: Now if anyone is taking this story seriously, it’s in our Satire section for a reason. We’ve teamed up with HollywoodLeek.com to bring your some of the funniest satire stories that should definitely get your smiling. So whenever you see a ‘NTN’ in front of a story title, you’ll know to expect something over the top and satirical from the brilliant minds over at The Hollywood Leek.
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