Fights, farts & sand sex.
All of these can be found throughout Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest film, The Master.
It’s a picturesque tale of Navy veteran, Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) who returns to the states after World War II and struggles with deep sexual and psychological issues. He finds solace in homemade paint thinner-lighter fluid-gasoline cocktails that would even make Randy Travis tweek.
It was hard to root against Phoenix’s intriguingly disturbed character. Within the first five minutes he’s having sex on the beach with a sand sculpture woman. Don’t get the wrong idea, ladies. He’s not a jerk. He made sure to sweetly spoon “her” post-coitus.
In P.T. Anderson’s ‘The Master’ Joaquin Phoenix has sex with a sand-lady.
Early on, when Phoenix is asked a number of serious personal questions, instead a genuine response, he farts. How can you not LOVE that?! In a later scene, he also threatens to “blow a fart” directly in the face of an antagonist. With such a breakout performance, I think it’s safe to put Phoenix’s asshole on the shortlist for best-supporting Actor at this year’s Oscars.
Not to be outdone, his co-star, the immensely talented, Phillip Seymour Hoffman was brilliant as Lancaster Dodd, a character loosely based on Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard. One of the film’s most memorable scenes is shot from the viewpoint of Phoenix’s hallucination. In it, Hoffman is surrounded by nude women ranging from ages 20-80, in a cringe-worthy erotic song and dance number. Had this actually happened to L.R.H. himself, you can bet he would’ve told Tom Cruise to go f**k himself.
Scientologists are opposed to The Master for many “closeted” reasons, the most apparent being all the female nudity.
Speaking of naked chicks, Amy Adams was fantastic as Hoffman’s devoted wife. At one point, she administers such a pleasurable reach-around on Hoffman that he agrees to quit drinking. No wonder her initials are A.A.
The stunning cinematography, stellar cast and awkward hand jobs are sure to net Paul Thomas Anderson & crew some much deserved recognition come award-season.
If you’re sexual aroused by sandcastles or just like well-timed butt burps, this is a definite must-see.
Editor’s Note: Now if anyone is taking this story seriously, it’s in our Satire section for a reason. We’ve teamed up with HollywoodLeek.com to bring your some of the funniest satire stories that should definitely get your smiling. So whenever you see the above logo in images or anywhere in an article, you’ll know to expect something over the top and satirical from the brilliant minds over at The Hollywood Leek.
The Master Trailer – Best Movies Ever
‘The Master’ Finds Farrelly’s With Fights, Farts & Sand Sex – Best Movies Ever News
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