NTN: Macaulay Culkin NOT Heroin Addict, Just Been Abandoned for 20 Years

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macaully culkin abandoned for 20 years not heroin addict

The recent gaunt appearance of former child star Macauley Culkin is apparently not due to heroin addiction. Rather, sources report that he’s been abandoned for over 20 years.

His parents left to go to Paris in 1990 and simply forgot him,” the source says. “You’d think they’d have been back by now, but I guess it’s easy to lose track of your youngest child amidst the hustle and bustle of international travel.”

The strain of raising himself was visible on Culkin, who has seemingly survived on a diet of cheese pizza and speaks exclusively in dialogue from ‘30s-era gangster films. Furthermore, he repeatedly made reference to a need to defend his home from “wet bandits.”

Perhaps most puzzling of all was Culkin’s insistence that Oscar-winning actor Joe Pesci was trying to murder him. When reached for comment, Pesci denied the allegation, but admitted to threatening to “bite off all his little fingers, one at a time.”

hollywood leek best movies ever logoEditor’s Note: Now if anyone is taking this story seriously, it’s in our Satire section for a reason.  We’ve teamed up with HollywoodLeek.com to bring your some of the funniest satire stories that should definitely get your smiling.  So whenever you see a ‘NTN’ in front of a story title, you’ll know to expect something over the top and satirical from the brilliant minds over at The Hollywood Leek.

macaulay culkin not a heroin addict just abandoned

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NTN: Macaulay Culkin NOT Heroin Addict, Just Been Abandoned for 20 Years – Best Movies Ever News

12 comments
411Scarr
411Scarr

the reps said he was perfectly fine. so the tabloids r fake

Sithizzle
Sithizzle

Yeah,.....yeah yeaah.... yeaaah... yeah

XxLovaticsForEverxX
XxLovaticsForEverxX

You were so adorable!! Pls come back and make more movies! We all miss you!

GrobycRocketFist
GrobycRocketFist

I liked this kid in The Pagemaster. So sad to find out he does sexual favors to fund his heroin addiction. Hope he gets better.

melodi061
melodi061

he does sexual favors to fund his addiction? how the hell did you come through this conclusion???

kb4795
kb4795

@MsPcengineer How is he the "bieber of the early 90s??" did he sing? No. He's an actor, something Justin bieber isn't...not every child actor or singer or whatever has to be compared to Justin bieber just saying.

SouthwesternEagle
SouthwesternEagle

1991 and in black and white. Wow. This video looks like it was filmed in TEXTp. Remember that? :P

CATGONETWILIGHT
CATGONETWILIGHT

''my freind she-they'' lol macaulay it's ok if you have a girl that's your freind.omg you were so cute back then what happend to you now?why did you take drugs?you were not uguly you were a handsome young man in 2004-present you didn't have to dress or do weird stuff.you looked handsom,but most of all you were rocking the 90's and your home alone movies and movies with your GOOD LOOKS.i'll tell you that.

MrSouth18881
MrSouth18881

Macaulay Culkin was very nice as a kid now he screwed up himself since he started using drugs.

Catti808
Catti808

OMG! He is SOOOO cute! I want to eat him up!!!