1. Force him to have sex with women his own age.
2. Provide weekly pedicures for Hitler.
3. Must sit next to Saddam at every Thanksgiving.
4. Must share a room with Joe Paterno.
5. Provide daily beard groomings for Osama bin Laden.
6. Absolutely no showers. Ever.
7. Must watch the new Matthew Perry sitcom Go On at least five times each day.
8. Will not be included on rare Snow Cone Day.
9. Must attend “poker night” with corrupt Catholic Priests.
10. Forbidden from taking part in any water sports on the lake of fire.
11. No more watching Brock Ritter work out his Toddlers and Tiaras confusion.
Editor’s Note: We’ve teamed up with HollywoodLeek.com to bring your some of the funniest satire stories that should definitely get your smiling. So whenever you see the logo above at the bottom of any article or story, you’ll know to expect something over the top and satirical from the brilliant minds over at The Hollywood Leek.