The much-anticipated iPhone 5 was just announced by Apple earlier this week. Needless to say, the internet instantly went crazy with comments on the new features. In case you haven’t seen them, here are the TOP 5 NEW FEATURES of the iPhone 5 that you’ll die and just plain kill for:
1. Slim, Sleek Design. Specifically crafted to slip out of your pocket with more ease than ever. The iPhone 5 has a Flight Time™ (from pocket to toilet) 3x faster than Samsung & Blackberry.
2. New Colors. Sick of the dull, outdated Black & White? Say no more! Take your pick from either of the two BRAND NEW colors: Eggshell or Midnight.
3. High-Grade Retina Display. The iPhone 5 screen is now so bright, it’s guaranteed to increase your optical migraines.
4. Improved Mirage™ Battery Technology. Just when you think you have more than enough battery life to last throughout the day, remember, it’s only a Mirage™.
5. Goodbye, Siri. Hello, Stewart. Apple finally took a smart pill, and replaced the moody, menstruating Siri with the more assertive, obviously smarter, male voice. Because, honestly, she was just guessing half the time.
*iPhone 6 due out in December.
You can find this hot new app along with tons of others at the Killer Apps Store for all your iPhone, iPad and just plain i needs!
Editor’s Note: Now if anyone is taking this story seriously, it’s in our Satire section for a reason. We’ve teamed up with HollywoodLeek.com to bring your some of the funniest satire stories that should definitely get your smiling. So whenever you see the above logo in images or anywhere in an article, you’ll know to expect something over the top and satirical from the brilliant minds over at The Hollywood Leek.