This past Tuesday, Star Wars filmmaker George Lucas announced, while Hurricane Sandy continued its destruction, one of the Northeast’s worst storms in history—that he had sold Lucasfilm to Disney for $4.05 billion. Many people were shocked that this was announced when the stock market was closed down due to Hurricane Sandy, and some have likened it to a celebrity marriage that wanted to be kept quiet.
You have to agree that news like this is usually a big affair…heck remember when they released Star Wars on blu-ray, it’s got massive coverage, but this one was really quiet. Three answers were suggested with many feeling that number 3 was the real one.
- You want to cheer up the citizens of storm-damaged cities on the East Coast by giving them a new Star Wars film to look forward to.
- You were going to announce the deal this week anyway, and somewhat callously decided not to delay the release just because Hurricane Sandy happened.
- The deal is a financial dud, and you want to get the news out with minimum scrutiny.
Our friends at Hollywood Leek had discovered that George Lucas was making some major purchases, and didn’t want his fans to know about them. So we were more interested in how he was going to spend his newfound billions, and here’s what was discovered.
1. Digitally replace Harrison Ford with himself.
2. Invest $1 billion to making Jar Jar Binks real and then marry him.
3. Hire Carrie Fisher to live with him and say, “Help me, George Lucas, you’re my only hope” all day, every day.
4. Buy Mark Hamill and make him a man servant…and still have $4 billion.
5. Finally deliver what every kid’s been waiting for: Real Lightsabers
6. Buy Greece. Rename it Alderaan.
7. Build a Death Star and attack Michael Bay.
8. Digitally replace all Ewoks in ‘Return of the Jedi’ with Peter Dinklage
9. Star Wars: The Musical. Everyone’s dream come true!
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